Ok, I know it has been a while. Life has been crazy and hectic. I am hoping to get something up here soon about  my recent experience with the wonderful CoEMS family and time spent socializing/networking at EMSToday 2011.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

update on life

So I have really been lacking on this blog. But I guess life has its own plans and sometimes we just get swept up into it. So heres what I have been doing: I am still working my 60 hrs a week. I am looking at possibly quitting my part time job of 24 hours a week as a transport medic to babysit 16 hrs a week for one of the cutest babies I have seen, I interviewed with the parents yesterday and am waiting to hear what they think and what they are willing to pay. (I think I'll be happier doing that at less pay...I am afraid of burnout.) As far as my weight loss efforts go I weighed in at 288lbs on Wednesday. So still slowly losing....I actually made it to the gym once this week, was going to go again, but ended up with a terrible GI bug that landed me in the ER for some fluids and meds. I have NEVER had stomach pain that bad. Things with the roommate are still tense. I was under the impression (from the landlord) she was getting evicted but she doesnt seem to think so... We barely talk these days except for polite hellos and goodbyes and how are you's. Buddy, my trusty canine sidekick, is doing pretty well. I will be calling the vet this week to get him a check-up, his eyes are starting to look a little funky and I just wanna make sure he is ok. In the dating world I met a guy named Ian recently who seems like a really nice guy. Taking things one day at a time, not rushing into anything or getting my hopes up. Im tired of being hurt and used. So thats about it, exciting life I know.... Thanks for stopping in and checking on me!

Apparently I have the words "sucker" or "doormat" or something similar written across my forehead in ink that I can not see and cant seem to wash off either. I am so sick and tired of people taking advantage of me, lying to me, and leading me in directions just to leave me lost and alone. I am hanging on to the end of a rope and I am tiring rather quickly. Just when it seems I am moving forward in a positive direction someone feels the need to push me down or trip me. These people range from my closest friend to people I just met, to my own relative.
I am a good and kind person. I help out my friends in need, I lend a shoulder to cry to on, an ear to talk to without judgment or advice. In return, I feel used and unappreciated.
I have tried to focus on just me, to try and heal myself, to better myself, but Im not that person. Im the person people call at 3am to come and pick them up. Im the person who will drop whatever I am doing to hold your hand through a rough time, to bring a box of tissues when the tears start to fall.
I love the person I am. I am not afraid to show my emotions, but I am afraid to tell you how I feel, afraid I'll lose a friend. But maybe you werent a friend to begin with....

Well, I am done. I am done. We all know I say that but that I will just suck it up, pretend everything is ok. Thats what I do. Its what Im good at. When I find that person who can tell the difference, I know I will have found a real friend.

RIP WCO David Grove, LODD 11/11/10

Recently a young, thriving Wildlife Conservation Officer was killed in the line of duty, just doing his job, all because someone was breaking the law, again, and didn't want to pay the consequences. Well Officer Grove, I hope justice is served for your death and I sincerely hope that peace will come to you friends, family, and all of those affected by this. I unfortunately did not have the honor of meeting you, but I have not heard anything negative about you.

here are just a few links with some details about the incident fro any of you who are interested:
http://www.publicopiniononline.com/localnews/ci_16704513
http://outdoornews.com/pennsylvania/news/article_7d67f462-ee7b-11df-aaed-001cc4c03286.html
http://www.gettysburgtimes.com/news/article_471a3988-ee71-11df-ae2c-001cc4c03286.html

IKDG Chapter 1 review

Ok, So like I mentioned earlier I plan on writing some thoughts about I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris as I read it. I finished the first chapter along with the study guide this week.

The first chapter teaches about "smart love". It refers to Phillipians 1:9-10 which states "God not only wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently- to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and attitude." In smart love we must use our heads as well as our hearts.  Mr Harris says "By avoiding romance before God tells me I'm ready for it, I can better serve girls as a friend, and I can remain free to keep my focus on the Lord. [...] God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Mr. Harris also uses two other scriptures in this chapter: Matthew 10:29 and Luke 12:2.

I am using the study guide designed by Joshua Harris as I read this book, reading and answering the questions in a notebook as I go. I am not going to write and answer the questions on here as they get lengthy and somewhat personal, but I will however include bits and pieces. As I mentioned in a previous post the first time I read this book as a 15 year old freshman in high school, I was very innocent and naive at that time. I think that reading this book 11 years later will most definitely give me a different perspective.  Ten years ago I had difficulty just getting past the title, who would want to kiss dating goodbye? Certainly not me, I hadn't even begun dating yet! Today is a little different, I have had relationships, some serious, some not so serious, some that last for several years, others only hours long. I currently am not dating, but sometimes I feel as if I am missing out on something, so I am re-reading this book in hopes of renewing my faith and personal relationship with Christ, making it better than it was in high school. In the last several years my focus has not been in the right place. My focus has been on myself, my roommate, work, family, everything but God. I have forgotten who it is I should be trying to please, not myself, not others, but God and only God and in return I will be blessed by Him.  This chapter, and the Philippians verse (1:9-10) challenges.encourages me to learn what and how to "love appropriately" so that I can love intelligently, love much, and love well, to avoid "sentimental gush".

Joshua states on last statement in the study guide that I feel pertinent to remember "Obedience to God looks boring- pursuing the world and its pleasures appears tantalizing." We have to remember while it may appear tantalizing now, the effects of being obedient to God will have much bigger and better results in the end.

Thanks for reading, and if anyone would like to discuss this book, I'd love to, feel free to contact me!

IKDG #1

I have decided to re-read a book I read in high school with a group of girls called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. It is a book that gives a very interesting look at Dating, or not dating and courting instead, all based in a Christian setting. I remember bits and pieces of this book, but it has been 10 years since I have read it and have a lot of life changing experiences since last reading it. I plan on blogging about the book, my opinions and anything I may learn as I read. I already know that I may not agree with everything Mr Harris may have to say but I am interested in how different my opinions are now opposed to when I was 15 years old and reading this book for the first time. Thanks for stopping by!

The next music star in my family...

This is a video of me niece, shot by my sister-in-law

Ben, Laura, Ted & Sophie: take me home, country roads: "Sophie has learned a new song. Again, not out of us directly teaching her. Just out of pure exposure. The other day at Giant Eagle, Country ..."

You can't treat what you don't see

I have noticed recently a disturbing trend with the BLS crews I that I work with regularly, they aren't doing full assessments. They aren't getting the full story. They are too worried with response times, on scene times, and turn around times, or they just seem like they don't care. This can make my job as an ALS provider difficult, especially if they are rendezvousing with me between the scene and the hospital, there's no family to tell me the story and the patient is unable to or is a poor historian, which in turn makes me look like the imbecile upon arriving at the hospital and telling the nurse nothing more than a generic chief complaint with no pt history, meds, or even allergies sometimes, just what I found in my assessment and what I did to treat my patient.
This doesn't apply only to medical patients, I have had run ins on trauma calls as well. (These are not every call events, but I am hoping its not a new trend either) Crews not getting a full story and by time I meet the BLS crew the helicopter is already 5-10 min out, I know my pt has some sort of traumatic injury, and the pt is still dressed.  I have 5-10 min to assess the injuries (including exposing the patient so I can properly assess injuries), try to gather a story if any family is present, or hopefully peek at the vehicle (if I meet crew on scene), and start treatment.
I am sure I am not the only person to struggle with this. I am not trying to whine or complain here, just want to  figure out a way I can reach out to these folks and express the importance of a full, proper assessment, no matter how minor the "emergency" may seem, no matter how close to the hospital you are, or how hard the adrenaline has your heart pumping. Our care needs to be more patient focused and less focused on turn around times or the fact that a patient is a frequent flyer.
Each patient deserves our very best, each and every time.

spiritual growth

I have recently decided to renew my relationship with God. I used to be very close to Him and over the last 8 years I have strayed away and even defied Him in so many ways. While trying to figure out how to this I have encountered several websites, blogs, and have even had the opportunity to meet new people and have have very insightful conversations with old friends. One blog in particular that I have found is a blog by a woman named Erin Taylor. I found her blog through http://www.sheseeks.org/.
In one of her blog entries Erin states "If I were to lean into my Prince would He not guide me in the waltz we call life? Would it not be the most beautiful dance ever choreographed?" Those two sentences hit me like a ton of bricks. It is so true.  Erin also says "Today I rest in that I am valuable simply because I am His. He chose me. He loves me and I am whole. When life spirals I white knuckle those truths and step one foot in front of the other in the race He has called me, just me, to run." This reminds me that I need to let go so much more. Most days I feel like I am letting God run the show when in reality I am trying to do all the directing. I have been holding on to MY life and living it MY way, to benefit ME and to do things on MY time. It took Erin's blog entry and a recent conversation with a new friend for me to recognize this.  I should be spending more time listening to God and living a life for Him than for myself. My thoughts before my actions shouldn't be "how will this affect me?" or "what do I want out of this"  but instead just leaving the "how", "what" and most importantly "why" up to God. 

RIP PFC Cody Board

Its a sad day in our country when a soldier who died for our country can't even make it to his final resting place in peace!