Tuesday, September 28, 2010

a friend and a prayer

It amazes me how you can find a friend in someone you never thought you would. Tonight I was chatting with a friend who works as an emt at a local fd that I run mutual aid with as a medic and we had what was a very emotional conversation for me and I don’t think they even knew it. We got on the topic of how I have wanted to lose weight for some time now but I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do it either doesn’t work or only for a little bit. I was not expecting to get nearly as emotional as I did. I found myself not just shedding a tear or two at how kind he was being and how encouraging he was trying to be but I found myself sobbing, sitting in the medic office at work crying like a damn blubbering fool.  This is a person who until tonight I considered only an acquaintance of work. It was great joy to learn they could be a source of encouragement and motivation.  I have had so much going on in my personal life that I feel like I am losing control, slowly but surely. I feel like I was spun in circles and let loose in a dark room with a lot of random objects to run into and stumble over. I have tried deep breathing, I have tried reading, I tried throwing myself into my Bible, but I feel like either its not working or Im not doing it right. This is the second time I have ended up crying today…earlier was in public while at the doctor office and I have no idea what provoked it.  

Please help me! Guide me closer to you, if I can give all my burdens to you and live for you then everything else won’t matter! I need to shed myself of the things that are standing between you and me, the things that I have let into my life and run it instead of listening to your plan.

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