Count your blessings...often

Wow, Blogger changed its look...don't know if I like it yet or not. I'm not very technologically inclined, so once I get used to something I like it and find change hard sometimes, like the new facebook...HATE it, but that's life I suppose. Life changes...a lot. I was slapped in the face with a reality today, that I should be a LOT more grateful than I tend to be. An old friend of mine messaged me today to tell me he had been involved in a very bad car wreck, he is fine, but there was a fatality in the other vehicle, a young high school student, she was the passenger in the vehicle her mother was driving when her mother swerved to miss a rear-end collision in her lane on a small highway and crossed the center line resulting in a head on collision with my friend. Talk about a miracle that my dear friend is ok, I cant even begin to imagine what that mother must feel like, to know her actions to save herself and her child resulted in her daughters death. Immediately after hearing about this you know what I did? I called Daddy and Mom, that's right, I turned to my parents, the 2 people in the world that I know will always be there for me, no matter what. I had a wonderful conversation with them. Talked about how Mom isn't feeling the greatest, has a stomach bug. Talked about my siblings, how my sisters have decided to move in with each other for a little while, and about 2 of the greatest kids I know- my niece and nephew and how they got to spend a few days with Pap and Doh (my folks) and went to the marble festival, and rode the ferry across the Ohio river and how unimpressed a 6 year old can be while a 3 year old is simply fascinated.  Family has always meant a lot to me, which makes me wonder how I can forget to be so thankful.

Life in general has been pretty good for me lately. I quit a part time job that wasn't making me happy and in turn started a new one that I am still deciding about. I met an amazing guy when I had decided that I had more important things in life to worry about than dating. I might be 27 ( for a whole 12 days now...lol) but I have not had a lot of experience in the dating world.  I didn't date in high school, and my Junior year in college met a guy that I thought was IT, we dated for 3 years and turns out I was wrong. It never ceases to amaze me how people are put into our lives, some longer or shorter than others, for so many different reasons, for encouragement, support, advice, and sometimes for heartache or for us to make a bad decision so that when the right folks show up we can make the right decisions, to make those friends that last a lifetime.

Its realizations like these things that make you check in with yourself. Are you happy? Are you living life to the fullest? Are you taking life for granted? There have been several reasons lately to remind me to be thankful. Multiple friends diagnosed with cancer, a family member who had a cyst on his brain that had to be drained, a friend who can pick right up where things left off last time she saw you, 4 months ago, and another friend who can probably use a shoulder because she got her heartbroken on top of struggling through  a difficult school program so she can reach a goal in her life.

I definitely need to remember to count my blessings, and should probably do it more often, not just when a friend has a close call or a bad day....

slacker, I know!

I was called out today about slacking on my blog...truth is I have been. I dont really have an excuse...life has just been going...a lot happened at the end of March in personal life which made me have to change some things. I lost what I considered to be a good friend, and not to death but to lies and deceit.  She was evicted from our house, leaving me to pick up the pieces, the bills, and the trash. I have to say life has gotten better since she has been gone. The last few months she was around were not good ones for me. It also made me take a closer look into my life...I have re-evaluated the relationships I have with people, my goals in life, both personal and professional.
I have been asked by several people why I chose to be a paramedic, why not be a nurse? Even my own folks have asked me this. Truth is, I am not sure, but I do know I love what I do. I know a lot of people who are burned out or well on their way there, but I still feel like I am still learning the ropes even though I have been a paramedic for 4 years and in EMS for 8. While I'm not a "dinosaur" I am not quite the newbie I once was. I try to keep up with EMS news and all my Twitter folk and fellow bloggers are helpful with that. I was hoping to make it to Vegas for the EMS World Expo this year, even applied for a scholarship but wasn't a luck winner. I will post my essay in blog for reading later...I promise.

EMSToday re-cap

So I realized that I still had not posted my re-cap of EMSToday and it has been well overdue! I got to be part of a surprise visit of SSGJBroyles. I got to hangout with several of the CoEMS folks for food, drinks, and even some karaoke. These folks included, but may not have been limited to, the following: SSGJBroyles, Gingermedic, Ambulance Driver, Hybridmedic, TraumaSheares, SES4EMS, CKEMTP, The Happy Medic, Setla, NJDivemedic, and many more!

I started this post about month after EMSToday and am just now getting it published....I know, I'm such a slacker!

Designer Drugs

It amazes me the things kids, or people in general, manage to get themselves into these days. Behind us are the days of simply doing crack, cocaine, heroine, etc. These days people are into synthetic drugs and alternatives. First there was K2, now folks are sniffing, snorting, injecting, or even eating bath salts and taking 2 C-E, a synthetic version of Ecstasy. Unfortunately, there isn't much we as EMS providers can do except treat the symptoms, we have nothing in our arsenal of drugs to counteract these "designer drugs", as they have been coined.

So tell me, what are you and your company doing, if anything, to prepare for this? If you aren't seeing it yet, I have a feeling you will be soon....

slow and steady

Weight loss is hard. End of story. I have been working on this for a while now and am trying to keep the blog updated with it among other things. Tonights weigh-in is 284.7! Still heading in the right direction. I have been doing my best to get to the gym and watch what I eat, but there are lazy days and days I just eat what I want instead of what I should...I suppose moderation is key... Check back in later for more updates!

a good read...

Another amazing read form yet another amazing friend from the Chronicles of EMS family. Please read! (You might need a tissue or two...)
http://njdivemedic.blogspot.com/2011/03/veterans-day.html?showComment=1299889878658#c7741651490581049868

No disapointments...

"Eat that damn chocolate cake, get your hair wet, love someone, dance in those muddy puddles, tell someone off, draw a picture with crayons like you’re still 6 years old and then give it to someone who is very important to you. Take a nap, go on vacation, do a cartwheel, make your own recipe, dance like no one sees you, paint each nail a different color, take a bubble bath, laugh at a corny joke. Get on that table and dance, pick strawberries, take a jog, plant a garden, make an ugly shirt and wear it all day, learn a new language, write a song, date someone you wouldn’t usually go for, make a scrap book, go on a picnic, relax in the sun, make your own home video, kiss the un-kissed, hug the un-hugged, love the unloved, and live your life to the fullest. So when you’re standing in front of heaven’s gate that chosen day, you’ll have no regrets, no sorrows, no disappointments."


Can't remember where I cam across this, pretty sure it was off of "and its love" tumblr. 


I found this a while ago and had completely forgotten about it until I rediscovered it again tonight. It really got me thinking about a lot of things in my life, particularly my professional life.  I have have been in EMS for about 7 years. I started off as a First Responder and I fell in love, after a year I took an EMT class while in college and I fell more in love, so much so that after 2 years I decided I wanted to be a paramedic. I worked hard, studied enough to get by, and here I am. I have been a paramedic for almost 3 years. I started off as a transport medic, a world completely separate from 911. While I was working as a transport medic I was also volunteering in a small rural college town as a paramedic. I was learning both sides, comparing them, trying to learn as much as I could and use it in both realms. I fell in love with both worlds, and decided my "dream job" would be to be able to do both in the same job, but little did I know that was actually a possibility. A year after I got my P-card I just happened to apply for a job 70 miles and 2 states away, assuming Id never even get an interview, but it couldnt hurt. Well long story short, I got the interview and the job, packed up my things and moved to a world where I had no friends and no family. I wasnt worried about that, I am good at making new friends, and family was just a few hundred miles away. Today I still work in a hospital based 911 system, and I made those new friends, some that I even consider family. I love my job, and I want to be the best paramedic I can be, I want to be better than I am, because I know I am capable of more. I feel like I am being held back though. I have learned how to network, I have people I can reach out to for questions, or articles to read, to get me thinking, heck thats how I ended up here with a blog. But I want to do more, I want to learn more. Unfortunately because the hospital system I work for offers all classes required for my job taking extra classes I am responsible for on my own. I only wish I could have the financial resources to attend more conferences to actually attend classes instead of just driving to Baltimore for a day (after all its only 50 miles) and visiting for a day and socializing and networking in the exhibit hall. I didnt even have a chance to attend the free classes...part of that is scheduling, working 60 hours a week cuts into free time. I know there are people less fortunate than me who cant even do those kinds of things. I wish there were several programs, grants, scholarships, or something for EMS folks to help them continue to educate themselves on new trends and topics. Heck, back where I grew up they just got a monitor capable of 12 leads in the last 6 months!!  


Anyways, the whole point of this, I am vowing to myself to start reading more articles, discussing with more folks, and hopefully attending some more events where I can ask questions, discuss topics, and have some hands on experiences with new products, not just for myself, but so that I can bring them back to work and share.  I feel like my coworkers are not just comfortable in their jobs but might be becoming complacent. I know I am comfortable where I am, and scared as hell that I might become complacent and thats where the problems are....

Ok, I know it has been a while. Life has been crazy and hectic. I am hoping to get something up here soon about  my recent experience with the wonderful CoEMS family and time spent socializing/networking at EMSToday 2011.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

update on life

So I have really been lacking on this blog. But I guess life has its own plans and sometimes we just get swept up into it. So heres what I have been doing: I am still working my 60 hrs a week. I am looking at possibly quitting my part time job of 24 hours a week as a transport medic to babysit 16 hrs a week for one of the cutest babies I have seen, I interviewed with the parents yesterday and am waiting to hear what they think and what they are willing to pay. (I think I'll be happier doing that at less pay...I am afraid of burnout.) As far as my weight loss efforts go I weighed in at 288lbs on Wednesday. So still slowly losing....I actually made it to the gym once this week, was going to go again, but ended up with a terrible GI bug that landed me in the ER for some fluids and meds. I have NEVER had stomach pain that bad. Things with the roommate are still tense. I was under the impression (from the landlord) she was getting evicted but she doesnt seem to think so... We barely talk these days except for polite hellos and goodbyes and how are you's. Buddy, my trusty canine sidekick, is doing pretty well. I will be calling the vet this week to get him a check-up, his eyes are starting to look a little funky and I just wanna make sure he is ok. In the dating world I met a guy named Ian recently who seems like a really nice guy. Taking things one day at a time, not rushing into anything or getting my hopes up. Im tired of being hurt and used. So thats about it, exciting life I know.... Thanks for stopping in and checking on me!

Apparently I have the words "sucker" or "doormat" or something similar written across my forehead in ink that I can not see and cant seem to wash off either. I am so sick and tired of people taking advantage of me, lying to me, and leading me in directions just to leave me lost and alone. I am hanging on to the end of a rope and I am tiring rather quickly. Just when it seems I am moving forward in a positive direction someone feels the need to push me down or trip me. These people range from my closest friend to people I just met, to my own relative.
I am a good and kind person. I help out my friends in need, I lend a shoulder to cry to on, an ear to talk to without judgment or advice. In return, I feel used and unappreciated.
I have tried to focus on just me, to try and heal myself, to better myself, but Im not that person. Im the person people call at 3am to come and pick them up. Im the person who will drop whatever I am doing to hold your hand through a rough time, to bring a box of tissues when the tears start to fall.
I love the person I am. I am not afraid to show my emotions, but I am afraid to tell you how I feel, afraid I'll lose a friend. But maybe you werent a friend to begin with....

Well, I am done. I am done. We all know I say that but that I will just suck it up, pretend everything is ok. Thats what I do. Its what Im good at. When I find that person who can tell the difference, I know I will have found a real friend.