Friday, January 7, 2011

Apparently I have the words "sucker" or "doormat" or something similar written across my forehead in ink that I can not see and cant seem to wash off either. I am so sick and tired of people taking advantage of me, lying to me, and leading me in directions just to leave me lost and alone. I am hanging on to the end of a rope and I am tiring rather quickly. Just when it seems I am moving forward in a positive direction someone feels the need to push me down or trip me. These people range from my closest friend to people I just met, to my own relative.
I am a good and kind person. I help out my friends in need, I lend a shoulder to cry to on, an ear to talk to without judgment or advice. In return, I feel used and unappreciated.
I have tried to focus on just me, to try and heal myself, to better myself, but Im not that person. Im the person people call at 3am to come and pick them up. Im the person who will drop whatever I am doing to hold your hand through a rough time, to bring a box of tissues when the tears start to fall.
I love the person I am. I am not afraid to show my emotions, but I am afraid to tell you how I feel, afraid I'll lose a friend. But maybe you werent a friend to begin with....

Well, I am done. I am done. We all know I say that but that I will just suck it up, pretend everything is ok. Thats what I do. Its what Im good at. When I find that person who can tell the difference, I know I will have found a real friend.

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