update on life

So I have really been lacking on this blog. But I guess life has its own plans and sometimes we just get swept up into it. So heres what I have been doing: I am still working my 60 hrs a week. I am looking at possibly quitting my part time job of 24 hours a week as a transport medic to babysit 16 hrs a week for one of the cutest babies I have seen, I interviewed with the parents yesterday and am waiting to hear what they think and what they are willing to pay. (I think I'll be happier doing that at less pay...I am afraid of burnout.) As far as my weight loss efforts go I weighed in at 288lbs on Wednesday. So still slowly losing....I actually made it to the gym once this week, was going to go again, but ended up with a terrible GI bug that landed me in the ER for some fluids and meds. I have NEVER had stomach pain that bad. Things with the roommate are still tense. I was under the impression (from the landlord) she was getting evicted but she doesnt seem to think so... We barely talk these days except for polite hellos and goodbyes and how are you's. Buddy, my trusty canine sidekick, is doing pretty well. I will be calling the vet this week to get him a check-up, his eyes are starting to look a little funky and I just wanna make sure he is ok. In the dating world I met a guy named Ian recently who seems like a really nice guy. Taking things one day at a time, not rushing into anything or getting my hopes up. Im tired of being hurt and used. So thats about it, exciting life I know.... Thanks for stopping in and checking on me!

Apparently I have the words "sucker" or "doormat" or something similar written across my forehead in ink that I can not see and cant seem to wash off either. I am so sick and tired of people taking advantage of me, lying to me, and leading me in directions just to leave me lost and alone. I am hanging on to the end of a rope and I am tiring rather quickly. Just when it seems I am moving forward in a positive direction someone feels the need to push me down or trip me. These people range from my closest friend to people I just met, to my own relative.
I am a good and kind person. I help out my friends in need, I lend a shoulder to cry to on, an ear to talk to without judgment or advice. In return, I feel used and unappreciated.
I have tried to focus on just me, to try and heal myself, to better myself, but Im not that person. Im the person people call at 3am to come and pick them up. Im the person who will drop whatever I am doing to hold your hand through a rough time, to bring a box of tissues when the tears start to fall.
I love the person I am. I am not afraid to show my emotions, but I am afraid to tell you how I feel, afraid I'll lose a friend. But maybe you werent a friend to begin with....

Well, I am done. I am done. We all know I say that but that I will just suck it up, pretend everything is ok. Thats what I do. Its what Im good at. When I find that person who can tell the difference, I know I will have found a real friend.