Tuesday, March 17, 2009

blah blah blah

Went to the orthopedic Monday morning and got the official release back to work. I am currently sitting at work, waiting for my relief that wont be here for another 2 hours...oh my!! This has been my best shift at work in 5 months. It felt so good to be back out on the street and helping people. I almost got lost...no thanks to the GPS unit that cant keep it's satelites in check....thank goodness for dispatch and my co-workers!!

I have realized tonight just how much I absolutely love my job. I dont neccesarily love evrything ABOUT my job, but I love the job itself! I also realized just how much I miss the variety of patients I get to deal with, with sweet old guys who just want to feel better and feel bad for complaining, to the crazy old ladies completely out of their mind but will be the first to remin you it is not polite to laugh at their off the wall comments.

As far as the personal life goes I am still taking it one day at a time. I have good days and bady days and even an occasional really good or really bad day. I still havent really made any new friends. I have the people I work with and that makes work enjoyable, but its not the kind of relationship where we call each other to "hang out".

I miss my friend Sara...and although I stay at her house to save gas money each week, I feel like I never see her. She is the only "friend" I have here, and she moved up from WV shortly after I did. I feel like I am slowly losing her....losing her to her own life, her new life, her new friends (who I have met and even "hung out" with but dont feel the friendship connection with.) I feel almost betrayed sometimes by her. I have been by her side faithfully through a few rough spots, yet it seems almost impossible to open up and tell her my problems lately.

I have realized lately I have not made the best decisions and I have not handled things as well as I thought I could, but I dont want to give up and I want to fix them on my own. They are MY mistakes and I want to fix them. I know they dont affect only me and as much as help would be appreciated I dont want to ask for it and I wont and I am sorry for hurting the people who would help me if I only would ask.

I miss my family. Most off all I miss my dad and my little sister (not that no one else matters or the rest dont mean the world to me, but I just miss them) I miss the little sister I used to play barbies with for hours on end, the little sister who used to sneak snacks with me and hide the candy wrappers in the couch with me. I miss our all night conversations, with every other sentence being, "Ok, I'm going to sleep now..."(we seem to have more of those since we have so much to catch up on and its usually when we are both should be going to sleep in that cold basement...me with my 7 blankets and you with your sheet...)

I am thankful for the few friends who still keep in touch. I try to see them every once in a while.

I made a couple new friends at a conference a few weeks ago, cant wait for them to come up for the training in Martinsburg so I can go down and see them again.

ok I guess thats enough random ranting in this post...
as always I am glad you dropped in, feel free to comment but please dont criticise....I do enough of that to myself that I dont need it or want it from anyone else....

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