ugh

Next time I volunteer to stay over at work I hope I rememebr how I feel right at this very moment....I am tired, cranky, and VERY nauseated....All I want to do is go home and go to bed (like I should have done 4 hours ago!) Hopefully my relief gets here on time, it is not safe for me to be driving any large or even small vehicles around right now.....

Family time

Hey everyone. I know it's been a while.... I just got back from almost a whole week off work (I made it 6 days away from the full time job but managed to squeeze in 36 hrs at the hometown aquad while visiting my parents.) But I am only gonna talk about my visit with family in this post.

I spent about 6 days in my hometown this past week. It was really nice to spend some quality time with my Dad and Mom. They are the only two I saw for the most part. I did manage a few hours with Mimi, Pap and Cameron listening to the final high school softball game on the radio while eating some home made stew. I also managed a trip with my parents down to the capital of the state to visit my brother and his wife and kids for my neice's 1st birthday and boy was that fun!

Here she is sitting on Pap's lap after her morning nap before lunch and the festivities. She has such a great smile. My folks treated all of us to a nice lunch at Logans Steakhouse. I got the joy of riding next to my nephew in the back of my parent's car because he wanted to ride with Doh (my mom) and Pap (my dad).

He is so photogenic. He loves having his picture taking. He was showing off his new Spiderman shades here. After lunch we headed back to the house for cake and ice cream!

Here is a picture of the cake my talented mother baked for the occasion. For those of you not familiar it is the catipillar from Baby Einstein. and below you will see the end result of the cake eating, and just how much fun Sophie had.

Needless to say by 2:30pm she was ready for her afternoon nap. Overall it was a great visit and I was so excited to share such a happy occasion with my family. I tend to miss out on these things living so far away and not being able to visit often nearly enough, especially when it comes to my niece and nephew. I love you Cricket and Bucky!

I wish the best for you

I had a very emotional discussion this week with a very dear friend of mine. We discussed several things about life and love. It has really made me change my chain of thoughts this week. There are so many things in life that have changed recently for me, my family has changed forever, my thoughts on life, on friendship, my thoughts of myself are even different. I see things from a different point of view. I am not sure I like it. Its not as if I was looking through rose colored lenses, but I definitly wasnt seeing clearly, but only because I didnt want to, and I still dont, but I am seeing some things. But I guess we will only see and believe the things we want to. We are all guilty of that...

As I have mentioned before, sometimes I come across a song that puts my exact thoughts or mood into words. The song that wins that award right now is I wish the best for you by Emerson Hart.

The lyrics to this paticular song hit home for me with this paticular friend, in my opinion anyways, they might not think so, but I do.

I Wish the Best for You

How long can we wait here
To say goodbye?
The words once they're spoken
Are words that we can't take
Back to where we were, before
Things got in the way
Life gets so confusing
When you know what you're losing

You
Me
Why can't we see that there's
More to love than we'll ever know
Sometimes you're closer when you're
Letting goI wish the best for you
I wish the best for you

We'll both regret the hurting
That we will do
You'll learn to forget me
And I'll tryI'll try to forget...

You
Me
Why can't we see that there's
More to love than we'll ever know
Sometimes you're closer when you're
Letting go
I wish the best for you, I wish the best

If you ever need a place that you can run to
I'll be here, I'll be here

You
Me
Why can't we see that there's
More to love than we'll ever know
Sometimes you're closer when you're
Letting go
I wish the best for you, I wish the best for you

Songwriters: Bronleewe, Matthew; Hart, Emerson

granddad update

Well, I got to my hometown Tuesday afternoon to find my granddad in much worse shape than I had imagined. He left this world to be with the Lord Tuesday night. He no longer is suffering. It has been a long week. Although the reason for my homecoming along with a lot of family was sad, it was really nice to have everyone home for the first time in a year and half. I even got to meet some distant relatives. The viewing was on Friday at the church, and it was much better than I thought it owuld be. It was not a gloomy sad event, instead it was bright flowers, Glen Miller playing on the loudspeaker, and the sanctuary was filled with sunshine as God smiled down on the family of his newest son in heaven. It kind of reminded me of the welcoming home of the prodigal son story.... The funeral was wonderful today. Again it was kept upbeat for the most part and the sun shone bright all through the service and even through the graveside service, as we were getting back into our vehicles the cloudes open up as if theyhad been holding in the rain for months and it rained and rained for the last 8 hours, at some points almost monsoon like. This was a wake up call to me that even the things we think impossible are not. My grand dad was seen as indestructible by most, especially his family. Thanks to anyone who kept him and our family in your prayers. He is much better off now. Thanks again!

Tomorrow I will attend church with my family and then head back to PA for a few days then back home to have some much needed family time, especially with my father....

ill grandad

So I am heading to my parents house as soon as I get off work to go see my very ill grand father. From what my mom says he is not doing well AT ALL. So far I am ok, but Im not sure how I will be after I see for myself just how sick he is. My mom assures me he is not in any pain but he has been hallucinating for the last 2 or 3 days. He took a small spill down the steps a few weeks ago and ended up in the hospital then and then acquired a staph infection that is pretty nasty...so I am still praying for him so that he doesnt suffer, and if that means it is his time to die, then so be it. Thanks again for any prayers.

And I know this is basically a repeat but I guess that just means I am worried....

first febrile seizure....

Work last night was not too terrible....I have 35 minutes to my relief gets here and I am ready for them. I started the night off in triage, and lets just say anytime between 0700 and 2300 is a bad time to be in triage, especially on a busy day when you have the same one or two patients constantly wondering why people are going before them, and how much longer they are going to have to wait to be seen for their stubbed toes or tooth aches....I took my triage rotation from 1830-2300 last night. The night was pretty quiet until we got called for a 15 month old baby girl having seizures and I was up in the rotation. When I got on scene the baby had stopped seizing but was HOT! Surprisingly mom didnt have her swaddled up thank goodness. As I was waiting for the BLS ambulance to show up I stripped baby down to diaper and beofre I could do anything else the ambulance crew showed up and grabbed all the equipment I had lugged up the stairs (my oxygen tank bag, my 80lb drug back and my hefty monitor...) while I carried baby down to the ambulance where I did the normal seizure stuff, blood glucose and temperature which was 101.7 rectal for me and then transported the baby to the hospital ( took it lights and sirens as needed...) I didnt bother with an IV as the baby was acting normal for her age. I turned over pt care at the hospital, the rectal temp they got was 104!
Needless to say my first pediatric seizure/febrile seizure went pretty well I thought.

Every time I have another "first" I feel more and more like a "real" paramedic....at least a more experienced one....guess thats really the only way to learn right??

adopted soldiers

So Last week I sent my first 2 packages to my newly "adopted soldiers". I know I briefly mentioned them before....One of them is Fredreick, I believe he is in the Army and the other is Tim, he is in the USMC. I have yet to hear back from Frederick, but I trust he is appreciative of the letters and the first package. Tim I know is...he is good with emailing on an almost daily basis. He emailed me the morning he recived my package (and it only took a week to get there!) and he told me it was perfect! I was excited to have gotten something right! I am just so excited to be able to brighten the day of 2 amercian soldiers, even if it is only momentary. So if anyone reading this has any ideas on what to send in my next package or would like to include anything, just send me a note and let me know!

brainless??

Im back at work for another week of fun. Nothing exciting to report at the moment, although my partner went on an MVC of donorcycle vs car, and PA does not have a helpmet law FYI....needless to say the car won and the donor got flown to the truama center with some serious injuries....but seriously, how low on brain cells do have to be to drink and then go speeding on motorcycle?? Heres your sign! (at least thats job security.....)

Without you

Every now and then I find songs that describe exactly what I amthinking or what I wish I was thinking.....this song is one of those songs....

Without You by Hinder

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Called you up cause’ it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

busy night, adopted soldier

Here I am finally getting to sit down tonight. Tonights been a pretty busy night for us here in Gburg. I finally caught up on my reports, finally got all 3 trucks checked off and fueled, and even got to eat dinner. Golly I love this job!

I recently adopted a soldier in Iraq through SoldiersAngels.com and I am pretty excited about it. They ask you to write a letter a week and send one package a month. While I was researching the legitimacy of the program I came in contact with a second soldier who I have been emailing for a few weeks. I feel honored to write these guys and send them packages in hopes that it will brighten their day, even if only for a few minutes while they put their lives on the line for me. Thats how I look at it anyways. But I am not mentioning this because I want to be told I am good person or anything like that, but so that if anyone is interested in writing them a note of gratitude or thanks Id be thrilled to add it in a goody box or a letter I am writing to them. Its one of the policies that I not give out their personal info, but please email me or message me on here and we can work together on sending something to them if you are interested!

catching up

So I didnt get to post about a few interesting things I have experienced in the last few weeks. I have always readily admitted to being a "green" medic, and at times have felt very unprepared or inadequate, but after the last few weeks I am finally starting to get a little bit comfortable with all the knowledge I have somehow managed to retain. As I have mentioned, I work full time as a medic in PA and vollie in WV. Well, for the last 4 weeks I have been managing 48-72 hours at a time in WV at my vollie station (yea I hate living in PA b/c I have no friends, so I keep running down to WV on my days off, thus not making new friends in PA..its a vicious cycle). I have been given a new nick name by my EMS chief....Dr. Death. I have managed to be toned out to at least one code a week for the past month, totaling around 5 only 2 I have been cancelled on. I have also had a few pts who are CTD when I show up. Last week my fire chief updated me on a stroke pt he and I had taken in...the guy lasted about a week in the hospital before having a second stroke and dying. Lats week I did a medic assist with a transport company, and although I have not heard, Im sure she has died too. I did get a neat experience out of that last one though. I had never done an IO before, and lucky for me we just got EZ IO drills not too long ago, It was crazy cool to get to do one. I am sure I mentioned some of this before, but felt like updating right now...so there ya go...sorry for the droning...

twilight

so for the last 3 weeks or so I have been joining the crazed teen fans of Twilight. I watched the movie when it first came out and put off reading the books. 3 weeks ago my best friend challenged me to just read the first few pages and if I didnt like it, no harm, no foul....well needless to say I just finished the 3rd book out of 4 and my hands and mind are itching for the next one. I am trying to pace myself because I think I'll be sad when I am finished.

life thoughts

Well, I am back up in PA after another weekend trip to WV. I honestly am not sure what to do. I love working in Gettysburg and working in a 911 system instead of the transport system I was working in before, but I am very unhappy with my living situation. Its a great apartment with a great landlord and all at a decent price, but I get so lonely and depressed on my days off work. I have no friends up here except my best friend who lives 25 miles from my apartment who works a shift opposite mine so I rarely see her, so for the last month I have been driving back to WV and crashing in the bunkroom of my home fire department, and I can honestly say I feel happier. I have been told on more than one occasion now that my friends can tell a difference in my voice and demeanor when they talk to me depending on if I am at home in my aparment or hanging out in WV. I really dont want to pack up and move again, but maybe its worth it? I honestly dont know. I do know I like living alone....the freedom to coem and go without having to worry about bothering a roomate, only having to clean up afetr myself, no drama besides whats going on inside my head, I dont have to worry about being accused of breaking or stealing or misplacing anything. I really miss being in WV though. I think I have always been a WV girl at heart, its my home. I am sure that eventually I will relocate back there, I guess when the time is right, and I absolutely love the eastern panhandle, especially my Shepherdstown.

Well, like I mentioned I am back up in PA for a few days to work, and am supposed to go to Baltimore this coming friday with some people from work....we shall see....

first hand gun lesson/target practice

So although I didnt get the pictures up last night due to me trying to get some much needed sleep, I did promise they would be here... We had an impromptu target ( a pizza box with a red dot spray painted on it near the center) I had 8 rounds...all 8 hit the cardboard 5 in the red, one on the edge and 2 outside red dot. The boys I was shooting with didnt do as nicely...one, Josh, managed to get the cardboard 4 times (none in the red zone) and Kyle (the gun owner) only hit the cardboard once. Needless to say I was told I was quick learner. Now I understand this was by no means an official lesson, but I had a GREAT time and can not wait to try out different hand guns til I find THE one....then its just perfecting the shot from there!
Heres the makeshift target after my turn, I didnt get a picture after all three of us shot.